NEVER in this life

When I was Dx with MS in 2017, I thought that was IT. 

Thoughts of feeling less than ✅.

Thoughts of suicide ✅.

Ready to be done with EVERYTHING ✅.

Never did I imagine using a wheelchair.

 E V E R‼️

Now I’m here and these are the trials that keep mounting up. 

I keep saying “I am TIRED of being one of God’s strongest soldiers❗️” This shit here is NOT for the meek. I’m told “you’re a warrior,” “you stand so strong.”  Damnit I have nothing else to fall on except myself. I don’t want anyone else to go through my hell herr on earth  ☄️ 🔥.

Never in this life have I fought so hard to live, to be. Standing on my feet is an ultimate goal until I hear a “no” from the above. This life has been hell here on Earth. Unforgiving. I must win at the end of the day. 

I MUST.

Got damnit, I WILL. 

I have no other option. I can not give up right now. 

I CAN’T.

I feel on this disability nightmare—journey I am suppose to break down and cry. I’ve been through so much shit that I’m numb. Cry? I don’t know how to do that anymore. I just wake up to breathe and look to thrive past the bullshit of yesterday. 

The wheelchair game? NOT me 😐

Being forced to be a victim? NOT me 👿

I have options. Either I stay my course, alive, tugging along, waiting on pharmaceuticals to provide a way or I get up, get a workout routine and see where action takes me (out of my chair or nah)

We shall see.