NEVER in this life
When I was Dx with MS in 2017, I thought that was IT.
Thoughts of feeling less than ✅.
Thoughts of suicide ✅.
Ready to be done with EVERYTHING ✅.
Never did I imagine using a wheelchair.
E V E R‼️
Now I’m here and these are the trials that keep mounting up.
I keep saying “I am TIRED of being one of God’s strongest soldiers❗️” This shit here is NOT for the meek. I’m told “you’re a warrior,” “you stand so strong.” Damnit I have nothing else to fall on except myself. I don’t want anyone else to go through my hell herr on earth ☄️ 🔥.
Never in this life have I fought so hard to live, to be. Standing on my feet is an ultimate goal until I hear a “no” from the above. This life has been hell here on Earth. Unforgiving. I must win at the end of the day.
I MUST.
Got damnit, I WILL.
I have no other option. I can not give up right now.
I CAN’T.
I feel on this disability nightmare—journey I am suppose to break down and cry. I’ve been through so much shit that I’m numb. Cry? I don’t know how to do that anymore. I just wake up to breathe and look to thrive past the bullshit of yesterday.
The wheelchair game? NOT me 😐
Being forced to be a victim? NOT me 👿
I have options. Either I stay my course, alive, tugging along, waiting on pharmaceuticals to provide a way or I get up, get a workout routine and see where action takes me (out of my chair or nah)
We shall see.