Two years ago, I took a nap on the couch and woke up to only one moving leg.

S. I N. C E

I have lost control of the lower half of my body. I’ve become parapalegic and it stilll shakes me up. I am now trying to find my way around my disease and the trials it has put in my way, still with a “go getter” attitude. But damnit, it is rough being disabled! I never thought I would have a disease that neurologically fucked me over, so bad, that I was spending weeks upon weeks in hospitals, getting tested with results coming back finding nothing. Again, it is tiring being one of God’s strongest soldiers. I wanted P E A C E‼️

I write on here for therapy, but sometimes THAT is not enough. Circumstance after trial I find myself tested, tried and one to loose I battle through because who likes to be a LOOSE? 🙄

So in trying to piece together where are my legs I was frustrated AF with my circumstances. Cry? I can’t even force the tears. Blowup and curse? 🙃 Why waste the damn tears. I won’t call it struggling, but barging through my bullshit is what I know how to do best ✨ta daaaa.

Looking at babies, their bones begin to strengthen so they can walk. I already had the growth. Signals between my brain and body have fried, so I must now work to remap my brain 😕. It is extremely difficult as I try to work with MDs to find solutions that aren’t typical drugs. They come off baffled as am I.

I feel lost 😩. I look at my legs and imagine them standing, toes wiggling, but find irritation with the now. Work must get done, I just don’t know what type and where from.

I do know this disease will not win. I can’t, won’t let it.

Currently, taking the iniative to be and feel vulnerable at this point I have no other options 😳 😳 🤨.