I’ve been away corralling my MS health affairs in order. Good news soon I hope.
Ever have something so small bring so much joy?
After a confidence boosting getaway to Jacksonville, I wore heels to work for the first time last week since being diagnosed with MS (one year, three months, 17 seconds ago).So this was
I’ve been eyeing this moment ever since I lost control of my legs and my balance in front of the masses at a gas station and ended up with bloody hands and knees (yet again), this time from falling OUT of my heels.
I remember like it was yesterday, with blood on my hands and knees, tears welling in my eyes, I thought “I will never get through this.”
You fell out of heels, why is this a deal?
I know, I am 6’1”, so wearing heels already enforces how sizable I am. And I love that. In college I wore heels E V E R Y D A Y. It’s been said that I have a reverse Napoleon complex, scratch that, just give me my credit and say you know “I’m supa fly”.
Recently my fiancé and I decided to take a getaway and go to one of the few places I love in Florida (so much shade at the election on so many levels). We escaped to Jacksonville to overcome October being my month of inflammatory hell. I woke up in high levels of pain every day. It was revenge of all of my MS symptoms and high school bully karma coming back to bite me in the ass. Lately (the past three months) I have been in livable pain. On a chronic pain scale, I have been sitting between an eight to 18 level of pain, daily. I believe I am now in the acceptance stage of my grief (one year later, lol. I am stubborn) and have decided to engage in relearning my body. I bump into more walls than I would like, and it sometimes seems I can’t get to places fast enough, but I am learning to pace myself and to not beat myself up for my mistakes. When I walk, I attempt to take it one-step-at-a-time, slowing it down from 150 mph to…120 mph :) and adjusting to MS and its frustrating dilemmas.
BUT I am surviving in my heel glow-up and can’t feel anything but content right now!
And of course, ‘tis the season for my thankfuls:
(1) I am going to pull a cliche because for me this is my honest truth. I am thankful for life, health and strength. A year ago I would not have known how important those everyday wonders are until being diagnosed. Now I am OVERLY excited when I can have a day relapse-free (meds soon, I hope) and I am able to walk without my staff.
(2) My support group. It is a mix of family and friends with and without MS, young and old. They hold me accountable and push me on days when I just want to pull a
(3) Last, and most certainly can remain least, my MS. I am thankful for the doors it has opened and the amazing survivors and our supporters that I have met. Being diagnosed with a disease that aggressively attacks its own body IS NOT easy. Everyday and ever pain is different. I went into a career in public relations wanting the “fast life”. I damn sure got it now keeping up with this disease. I keep up, but by no means is it a smooth drip, but I try, but, you’re welcome.