Fatigue Me Not.

A year with MS has taught me a lot about myself. What my body will and will not do with the surplus of MS symptoms that now face every day AND my will. What I will and will not accept from this disease.  

Last week…and possibly this week will have a continued fight with MS fatigue. What is MS fatigue? I am glad you asked.

MS fatigue is NOT tiredness. It is not laziness. MS fatigue is when your body says “Hell no. Not today.”

EVERY.

SINGLE.

DAY.

I experience muscle weakness accompanied by my existing numbness in certain areas of my body. I am walking into week three with MS fatigue. I wake up exhausted, go to work exhausted and go to bed exhausted to wake up more exhausted. I continue to function as "normal" as possible, hoping that the next morning I will be "fixed." MS fatigue can last more than a day, a week, it can last months for some, it can even become a perpetual symptom (crossing my fingers that this is temporary).

Given that there is no exact science to MS symptoms, finding the causes are left to experimentation. Here is my diagnosis of what I believe my cause to be.

Currently, I have 17 symptoms, here are the three I consider to be the causes:

Numbness and tingling

I now have partial feeling in my right foot. At night is when my destroyed nerves activate and miscommunication between my brain and spine are at an all-time high. My right leg will painfully uncontrollably twitch until I apply pressure to stop the contortions (that is what it feels like). Attempting to sleep while your legs pop back and forth, up and down in pain...there is little to no chance of sleep. I promise.  

Sleep

HA! That’s cute. I cannot remember the last time I have had a quality night’s sleep. It is a regular occurrence that my body is wide awake at 2 a.m. ON THE DOT. If I sleep a whole night even with my fatigue, there is still no difference. I wake up feeling like an 18-wheeler ran me over. Sleeping is now a luxury.

The third, which I think is vital, the chronic pain

Imagine waking up every morning with pain. On a scale of 1-10, I reside between six (6) and eight (8) most days. The pain in my spine becomes so intense that I am left wide awake often resorting to Netflix (thriller and horror movies, thank you) or catching up on some reading.

Every day is different.

Every day the pain is different.

I used the month of September (my birthday month) to consider changes to my life, mentally, physically, emotionally to better help my fight with this disease, because "I am in a season where I cannot and will not handle distractions,” Sarah Jakes Roberts.